Getting Through the Day
by imdoingthiswhy
Summary: Post "Probable Cause" Castle and Beckett are getting through the aftermath of Tyson's mayhem.
1. Chapter 1

**Getting Through the Day**

"You shot him. He's dead," Beckett stated before she walked away, leaving Castle staring out at the water and looking tormented; but she didn't walk far. Their car and Tyson's would be in impound until CSU was finished. She had seen Ryan and Esposito drive up on the bridge near her car and went to tell an officer on site that she and Castle were leaving. Castle had kept them there all night as the divers searched. He wouldn't leave while the search continued…said he needed to see the body for himself, and she understood. It was already after eight in the morning, and Kate needed to get them back to the precinct…get Castle home as soon as possible; she could see that he was hanging on by a thread, and she wasn't a lot better off herself. It was hard to see the haunted look on his face, knowing he believed Tyson had survived the shooting and the fall, and Castle had to be thinking something like this could happen again. To be honest, her bravado in stating Tyson's death as a fact was as much to salve the niggling doubts in her own mind as to try to assure Castle.

She spoke to the nearby officer then went back to Castle and took his arm. "Come on. Ryan and Esposito just got here. Let's take care of the business at the precinct and get you home."

"You'll stay with me tonight?"

He looked lost when he asked, and it broke her heart to see it.

"I'll shoot anybody who tries to take me away. I promise."

There was no comeback…no smile. He just followed her to the car and slid into the back seat with her. Ryan and Esposito watched as they got into the car and were worried at what they saw. They knew both their friends would be completely exhausted, but neither of them was prepared for the change in Castle. He was definitely not himself.

"You okay, Bro'?" Esposito asked sympathetically.

"No," Castle answered quietly, "but I'll get there."

Esposito looked to Beckett, and she told him, "He needs some time. It's been a rough few days. We just need to do what we have to do so I can take him home. I've already called Martha and Alexis, so they know what's happening." As she answered, she slid her hand around Castle's arm, and he came out of his semi-stupor enough to put his hand over hers and look at her appreciatively.

Esposito turned back to look at the road to give them what little privacy he could as Ryan turned the car around for the trip back to the precinct. Most of the drive was made in silence that was unnatural to the team but seemed appropriate for the moment.

At the precinct, they talked to Gates, who took their statements and questioned Castle's escape from holding. He had managed to arrange things to resemble another of Tyson's attempts to make him look guilty. That explanation seemed to make sense to Gates; and she said that, as long as it checked out, she was willing to take it to the DA on his behalf. He was, after all, voluntarily in the custody of one of her detectives for most of the time he was free. Even if the evidence didn't pan out, she had difficulty not seeing the escape as self-defense. The DA had been too unyielding to even consider allowing them time to protect Castle. Whether she was overly fond of him or not, he had proven himself to be a valuable, dependable part of her team; and he had been framed in a devastating fashion. She could see the toll that the whole situation had taken on him and fully intended to do the best she could for him.

"Take Mr. Castle to collect his belongings and take him home, Detective…and you need to get some rest, too. Neither of you are in a condition to be any good to us today. I'll see you first thing in the morning. You can catch up on the paperwork then."

"Thank you, Sir." Turning to Castle, Beckett said softly, "Your family is waiting for you. Let's get you home."

"Thank you, Captain," Castle managed to say as he left. "I appreciate that you were willing to go to bat for me."

The Captain simply nodded in response.

As the couple left Gates' office, Ryan and Esposito watched Castle with concern, and met them before they got to Beckett's desk.

"How about take Castle down to collect his belongings," Beckett asked Ryan and Esposito. "I need to get a couple of things together for tomorrow. I won't be long." She knew the boys were concerned for Castle and needed to let him know somehow.

"Sure thing." Ryan answered and called ahead to arrange to have Castle's personal property ready so he wouldn't have to wait any longer than the time it took to sign the paperwork.

Everybody in the precinct knew what had happened with Tyson by then, and sympathy for what Castle had been through showed wherever they passed. The boys moved things along as fast as possible and accompanied him back upstairs.

"You and Beckett haven't had a minute to pull yourselves together all day...and probably most of the night," Esposito noted as they rode back up in the elevator. "Can you stand to wait in an interrogation room if we get her in there for a few minutes before you go home and have to talk to your family about everything?"

"Yeah. Thanks, guys."

"Anything we can do, just say it, Bro'. We all hate that we had to put you through this," Esposito told him.

Castle nodded and gave them as appreciative a look as he could manage.

Ryan walked over to Beckett's desk and told her as she picked up her things to leave, "He's in interrogation two. We thought the two of you might want a couple of minutes before he has to face his family's questions. Javi's standing lookout."

The answering smile and thank you were all the reward Ryan needed.

As she reached Esposito, he said quietly, "Go take care of your man, Beckett. He looks like he needs it."

"We both do. Thanks, Javi."

When she opened the door, Beckett dropped her things on the table, and Castle scooped her into an embrace that felt like he was afraid he might never see her again if he let go. Face buried against her neck, he said, "I needed this so much."

"Me, too." She turned her face to his and nuzzled her way from his cheek to his lips for a searing kiss. They held each other ferociously for a short while. "If we can just keep ourselves together long enough to get out of here and deal with your family's questions," she said on a heavy breath, "we can fall apart later…together. We should go before it happens at the precinct. I'm already at the edge. I don't know how you've managed this far."

"I won't much longer. Let's get out of here," he answered.

Another long, tight embrace, another kiss, and they left the room. Ryan had joined Esposito at the entrance to the interrogation rooms, standing and talking with him.

As they passed, Castle cupped his hand on Esposito's shoulder and gripped it gently then gave Ryan a brief, brotherly pat on the arm. "Thanks, guys."

"No problem," Ryan answered. "You want us to drive you home?"

"No thanks," Castle responded as he and Beckett waited for the elevator. "I've had enough of the inside of police things for the time being. I think we'll take a cab."

The boys nodded in understanding, and returned to their desks.

Kate wrapped her arms around Castle and kissed his cheek as the elevator descended, then they separated to leave the building and hail a cab. By the time the search for Tyson's body had been determined unsuccessful and all the ensuing business at the precinct had been accomplished, it was very close to noon, and they were more than ready to be at home. Kate had started feeling more at home at the loft, and had no intention of leaving it before the next morning…no matter who was there. If that's where Castle would be, it was where she belonged. They had been through this together; they would recover from it together.

They spent the ride to his home with Castle's arms somewhat desperately around Kate's shoulders and her arms around his waist; her head was on his shoulder, and his head was resting on hers. They didn't exactly have privacy, but they were at least where there was no one who might point them out to Gates, and they both needed the comfort of that physical contact.

When they finally reached his door, Castle stopped and took a deep breath. "He was in my home, Kate. He violated my home."

"I know," she answered, rubbing her hand on his arm. "I wish I could do something to make this better."

"You are. You're here, and you're not leaving me. That helps."

"Good. Martha and Alexis will help, too. Time to see them. They can't wait to have you back." His keys were still in the personal property envelope, so she used the key he had given her and opened the door, urging him in ahead of her.

"Daddy!" Alexis shouted and ran to meet him and throw her arms around his neck. "I was so scared."

His little girl was crying, and she called him 'Daddy' instead of 'Dad.' That brought him back to more normal responses to assure her. "I'm okay, Pumpkin. You can stop being scared now," he said soothingly as he rubbed her back with one hand and cupped the back of her head in the other, holding her close to his shoulder as her tears dampened his shirt.

Martha had tears in her eyes, too, but she simply stood close by to allow Alexis the time she needed with her father. Seeing her over Alexis' head, Castle held out an arm to bring Martha into the hug, too.

"Richard," she breathed, relieved, "we were so worried."

"Yeah. Me, too," he answered from between the two red heads he had pressed against his cheeks.

As they stood holding one another, Alexis opened her eyes and saw Kate standing awkwardly near the door looking anywhere but at them. She left the comfort of her father's arms and went to give Kate a hug. "Thank you…for believing in him in spite of how it looked…and for getting him home to us."

Kate hugged her back, not realizing until then how much she needed that. "I'll always believe in him, Alexis."

"I think I know that now," she answered, was quiet for a moment, and then asked, "There's more to this than he's going to tell us, isn't there?"

"Probably. He'll tell you most of it, but he's likely to need some time to process the rest. He's been through hell the last couple of days."

"You look like you were right there with him," she answered sympathetically.

"Yeah," Kate answered, looking down. "It was pretty bad for all of us."

Alexis turned back to see her father releasing his hold on her grandmother. "I should skip my test tomorrow morning and stay home with him."

"It's up to you, honey, but I'll be here tonight. He can depend on me, too. All of you can. Martha and I will be sure he's okay tonight. Why don't you come and check on him tomorrow after class…maybe spend tomorrow night here."

"But he's my dad. I worry about him. The test can wait. I'll say I was sick and ask to make it up."

"You're thinking about missing a test for me?" Castle said, feigning shock as he walked over to join them. "I do feel special, but don't miss your test. I'll be fine. Just come back and keep me company tomorrow, okay?"

"But we've always taken care of each other."

"Alexis, you have back-up. Mother and Kate will be here tonight. They'll take good care of me. You can take your test in the morning, ditch the rest of your classes, and keep me company tomorrow while both of them are at work. I don't think I'm ready to go back yet."

"Okay." She turned to Kate, who moved to Castle's side and put an arm around his waist…daughter standing there or not. "You're really trying to make it work with Dad, aren't you?"

Kate just nodded, seeming a little embarrassed as Castle looked at her lovingly and squeezed her shoulder in encouragement.

"Why do you think it's going to work this time? Every time before, when it looked like progress, something would happen and you were apart again. What's different now?"

"Alexis…" Castle said in warning, "this isn't the time…"

"No. Let me answer her," Kate insisted. "Alexis, it's working this time because we finally stopped hiding things and started talking. There are still things we need to work out…just between the two of us, but we've already come a long way. As far as why I think I'm probably better for him than someone else… I guess that's because I didn't fall in love with Richard Edgar Castle…rich, famous socialite and best-selling author. I fell in love with Richard Alexander Rodgers…brilliant mind, loving heart, family man, patience of a saint with the people he loves, fun personality, goofball, crazy man, sometimes a nine year old on a sugar rush." She looked into his eyes and finished with, "The trappings of all his money are nice, but if we had to live paycheck to paycheck, I'd love him just as much. He's what's important to me."

He pulled Kate gently into his arms, breathing her name softly as he did, and placed a gentle kiss on her head before he rested his forehead against her hair. That was the most demonstrative thing they had done in front of his family.

"We need each other, Alexis. We're both better together than we are apart," he told his daughter as he lifted his head from Kate's. "I hope you can be happy for us."

"I think I can, now that I know she loves you, too. I just needed to hear it. I'm gonna head back to the dorm and study for that test…now that I know my Dad's in good hands."

Castle pulled his daughter into a hug with one arm, never letting Kate go with the other one, and gave Alexis a firm kiss on her forehead. "Good luck with your test."

"I'll be back tomorrow and let you know how it went. Maybe we can get to Guitar Hero tomorrow," she said, gathering her purse and a couple of books.

"Sounds like fun," Castle agreed, smiling at her. "I'll have everything ready."

"It's a date," she said and gave them a little wave, calling out, "Night, Grams," as she left to go back to campus; then she came back and gave Castle an extra hug. "I'm so glad you're back home. I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too," Castle answered. "Tomorrow. I'll be looking for you."

Another little wave and Alexis was gone.

Castle closed Kate in a tight embrace, whispering, "Say it, Kate."

"I love you," she whispered next to his ear. "I love you."

He gave her a gentle kiss, mindful of the fact that his mother was in the room, then turned to see what Martha was doing. They found her in the kitchen taking the bread and one of Castle's favorite casseroles from the oven, and then busily taking dishes from the cabinets.

After getting the salad from the refrigerator, she took out a chilled bottle of wine and held it out to her son. "You do the honors and open this. It's one of your best. Freedom should be celebrated…as well as love. Kate, what you said to Alexis is what I've hoped for years that he could find, and I believe you…every word. As far as I'm concerned, I have a new daughter. The two of you can make it official whenever you get around to it, but I'm claiming you now. Now, both of you, sit down, and let's eat and enjoy this wine."

Lunch was eaten without as much conversation as usual. Castle insisted his mother not ask questions about his ordeal until after their meal. They made small talk now and then, leaving things a little strained, but not too uncomfortable.

"That was delicious, Martha. Thank you," Kate said as they finished.

"Yes, it was. You made my favorite," Castle added.

"I had to do something you'd like. I certainly wasn't much help otherwise. I'm glad you had Kate…and your friends at the precinct. It was obvious that they didn't like what they had to do."

"Castle," Kate suggested, sliding her hand over his where it rested on the table, "why don't you go and take a long, hot shower…wash off the feeling of the holding cell…the bridge… I'll talk to your mother, then it's my turn to shower."

He nodded, something of the haunted look returning. He stood and took her hand, pulling her up with him, and walked with her to the door of the study before he stopped, his back to his mother, and drew Kate close to kiss her. "Say it again," he pleaded quietly. "I need to hear it again before I'm alone."

"I love you, Rick," she whispered. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm so glad you had the patience to wait."

"One more time," he said, the barest hint of a twinkle in his eyes.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you," she whispered, making sure the words were only for him and looking back at him with the easiest smile he'd seen for days. "That's all you get until you're clean. Go take a shower. You'll feel better."

"Then you'll say it again?"

"Yeah. All night if that's what you need."

"Okay." He stopped uncertainly and asked, "When you said you'd talk to mother…"

"I'll tell her most of what happened. I think I know what you'd want me to leave out…unless you'd rather tell her yourself."

"No. Tell her what you think she needs to know. If she has questions, she can ask me. I know she needs to know more, and I'm…"

"It's okay. I'll break the ice for you. After that, it's up to you."

He kissed her again. "Thank you."

"I love you," she whispered again. "Remember that while you're in there. Go." She slipped out of his grasp and moved back into the living room.

Martha had started clearing the table when she returned, and she told her, "Leave all that, Martha. Castle and I both need to do something normal; dishes will be a relief from the last couple of days. Let's just put away the food, and he and I will take care of the rest after we've both showered."

"Will you tell me what happened?" Martha asked as she covered the casserole and put it back in the fridge. "Richard doesn't look up to it yet…although he seemed pretty content when he took you to the doorway over there," she teased.

"Come sit with me," Kate answered with a little smile. "You can tell me what you know, and I'll fill in all the blanks I can."

Martha started, and Kate went back and told her the rest of what she thought her son would want her to know. "Everybody at the precinct feels so bad about what happened…even Gates was standing up for him. Last night was especially bad. We thought we were free of Tyson, at least for the night, then he ran his van into the back of my car and threatened both of us…and he was shot. There was no choice."

"Oh, darling, I'm sorry you had to do that."

"I didn't fire the last shots. Tyson was holding me hostage."

"And Richard…" Martha looked horrified and brought her hand to her heart in shock that her son was capable of such a thing. "Good, Lord! It's worse than I imagined. Why did this man choose Richard to frame?"

"Tyson fell backward from the bridge into the water. The body hasn't been found, but I can't imagine how he could have survived it. The man is brilliant...evil, but brilliant. He loves the show of a carrying out a meticulous plan and has great patience to see it performed to perfection. It's why he hasn't been caught. He loves being identified as the perpetrator of the plan without being visible when the pieces fall together. I think he's realized that Rick's mind is just as brilliant, and that the members of our team are capable of ruining his plans. I guess his best options were to destroy Rick or discredit him. He chose the latter because it made a bigger, more sensational news event.

Martha leaned back against the sofa and exhaled a long breath. "Richard is really having trouble with all this, isn't he?"

"It hit him from all sides, Martha. His emotions have gone from shock and frustration, to fear for our lives, to concern about how I'd take those emails and the jewelry, to…"

"But even after all those damning email messages, you believed him," Martha noted in amazement.

"I know him. I trust him more than I've trusted anybody since my mom, and I know he wouldn't betray that. You raised a good man."

Martha pulled Kate into a hug. "We're definitely keeping you."

"Good to hear because I'm not going anywhere. You're all stuck with me."

They talked a little longer before Castle came back from the shower in sock feet, jeans and a plaid shirt. His hair was still damp, the shirttail was out and his sleeves were rolled up.

"You look comfortable…and kind of…" Kate started.

Martha got up and walked toward the kitchen. "The two of you can finish that on your own. I'm going to pour the rest of that wine for us."

"Just for you and Kate, Mother. I want something stronger." He then softly asked Kate. "What were you saying?"

"You look comfortable…and kind of hot," she answered softly and suggestively.

"Later," he promised with the closest thing to a real smile that she'd seen all day. He gave her a quick kiss and said, "I'm going to get my drink. Be right back."

Martha delivered two generous glasses of wine for the women, and Rick returned with a glass filled a little deeper with scotch than what he would usually pour for himself. All of them were aware that it was early in the day for all of that, but it hadn't been a normal day; none of them gave it an extra thought.

Kate finished her wine and excused herself to take a shower, leaving Castle and his mother to talk alone.

Martha moved to the sofa beside Castle, looking concerned. "Richard, you've been through so much." She held her arms out and pulled his head to her shoulder, and he didn't even resist, just stretched one arm out over the back of the sofa and let his head lean on her shoulder the way he did when he was a boy and wrapped his other arm around her waist.

"He went to so much trouble to do this to me."

"Shhh. It's over now, darling."

"No it isn't. Not yet. I can still feel all of it…being arrested…confined in a cell. I can see his face…hear his voice…see him holding a gun to Kate's ribs. He was here, Mother…somehow got into our home and planted evidence. My personal life was laid out for our friends to see. I don't know if they read the texts Kate and I sent each other over the past few months. Some of those were pretty personal…meant for just the two of us. And the emails…they were so convincing. He didn't just try to frame me; he even tried to take Kate from me." He sat up and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and his forehead resting on his hands, a few tears straying down his cheeks. "We've worked so hard to be together. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't believed me."

"Richard," Martha answered, sympathetically rubbing her hand across his back. "I can't even imagine everything you've been through, but it looks to me like you and Kate came through it stronger than ever. And, even if it takes a while to get over it, you'll help each other through it. Partners. Isn't that what I've heard you say to each other?"

"Yeah. Partners. It scares me a little…how much I need her."

"I'm sure it scares her to need you so much, too; but you're good for each other. I haven't seen either of you look as free and happy as you have for the last few months. Right now both of you look completely exhausted, though. When Kate comes back, why don't the two of you go and get some rest? Neither of you have anywhere to go."

Castle just nodded.

"Kate told me what happened, but I'd like to hear your version. It might help to say it out loud and get it out of your system."

Rick told the story from his side. It was very much like what Kate had told her to expect. The woman did know her son well…better than Martha had thought. She was grateful to Kate for believing in him and being here with him when he needed her so badly. They really were partners, in every sense of the word.

When Kate returned, her hair was dry, and she was wearing yoga pants and a T-shirt. She took his hand and told him, "I promised we'd do the dishes. Come on. We need to do something mundane and unexciting…point ourselves back toward normal."

Castle stood and followed her to the kitchen. "Wash or dry," he asked, and he touched Martha's shoulder appreciatively as he passed her.

"I'll wash, you dry."

"As you wish."

They smiled at one another at the movie reference they used once in a while, then Kate filled the sink with water and Rick grabbed a towel. After the few things that needed hand washing were taken care of, they put the rest in the dishwasher, cleaned the table and counters, and told Martha they were going take her suggestion and rest for a while.

10


	2. Chapter 2

** Chapter 2 **

Once in their room behind a closed door, they wrapped their arms around one another and simply held on for a while.

"Think you can sleep?" Kate's muffled voice asked from against his chest.

"I don't know. Maybe if you say it a few more times, it would help?" he said against her hair and planted a little kiss on her head.

She leaned back to look at him and smiled. "Let's lie down, and I'll see what I can do."

With Tyson's words echoing in his head, Castle closed the blinds before they settled in together.

When they were in bed, stripped down to their underwear, Kate had him lie face down so she could rub his back. It was slow and gentle and relaxing for both of them. "I love you," she whispered as she tucked herself close to him to reach all parts of his broad back easily. She needed comfort, but she was certain he needed it more.

He turned his head to face her from where his forehead had been resting on his arms. "I love you, too, Kate. It's such a relief to say it again. I was trying not to put any pressure on you."

"But you knew, didn't you?"

"If I didn't know before, the fact that you still believed in me, despite the evidence that you shouldn't have, would have convinced me. I knew, but hearing it is nothing short of awesome."

"I'm sorry it took me so long."

"It was well worth the wait," he assured her. "This back rub feels good, too. You're taking care of me, aren't you?

"Yeah. It's what you do for people you love, right?"

"Yeah. Thank you." He snaked one arm around her, pulled her close enough to share his pillow, and kissed her, not moving enough to interrupt the back rub.

"Always," she answered, adjusting under his arm so she could still reach his whole back, while he slid his fingers into her hair and massaged her scalp and the upper part of her neck. "I was so scared, Rick," she said raggedly. "I was so afraid we wouldn't be able to find the evidence to prove you were innocent."

"I was scared, too," he answered. "Mostly I thought you'd find it…then Tyson showed up to mess with my mind."

"We don't talk about him in our bed…okay?"

"Okay." He gave her another quick kiss, trying to put the thought of Tyson watching them out of his memory for now, and told her, "I like that you called it _our_ bed."

"It just slipped out. A little presumptuous, wasn't it?"

"No. That's how I see it, too. Kate, I want this to be _our_ bed. I want this to be _our_ home. I want you to see everything here as ours. I've never been in love like this before, and I want it to last until we're old and gray and walking with canes and helping each other remember how many pills we're supposed to take every day."

"Me, too," she answered, both touched and amused. "It took me too long to get here; but I'm here now. I'm in this with you, and I'm not going anywhere." She pressed toward him and kissed his nose. With a mischievous little smile, she added, "I love you." They both chuckled at his unabashed desire to hear those words repeatedly…and her willingness to indulge him. She noticed that each time she said it, it got easier...and it made her proud to see the look on his face when she said it. "Do you think you can sleep now?"

"If you come close and hold me…and maybe say it one more time," he answered with a smile and turned on his side to pull her close. "I like that you want to take care of me."

She moved closer and they snuggled under the covers and slept until early evening when Castle woke from a dream.

Kate woke to Castle moving and repeating "No!" He was obviously in the middle of a distressing nightmare, so she grabbed his arm and called him. "Castle." Shaking his shoulder, she tried again. "Rick, wake up. It's just a dream."

"Kate," he moaned. "No."

"Rick, I'm here. Wake up." That time she kissed his cheek and cupped his jaw in her hand, and his eyes finally blinked open.

"Kate!" He grabbed her and held her tightly against him, his breathing hard and irregular.

"It's okay. It was just a dream." She kissed his shoulder and stroked his back until he calmed a little bit. They had done this for each other more than once since they had been together. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Can't," he answered.

"Why not?"

"Breaking your rule about what we can talk about here…in our bed."

"Do you want to go to the kitchen and talk about it? I'll make us some coffee."

"No. I want you to hold me a little longer…convince me you're really here."

She pulled back far enough she could give him a thorough kiss. "Is that a good start?" she asked as she peppered his face with more little kisses.

"Great start," he sighed against her neck. "Just let me hold you a little while…then we'll go make coffee."

"Whatever you need."

"I love you so much."

"I love you, too. I'm here, Castle, and I meant it…whatever you need," she answered softly, still stroking her hand smoothly over his back.

After he relaxed and was more firmly grounded in reality, rather than the nightmare, they dressed and Kate started the coffee while Castle found something to heat for dinner.

"The dream was about Tyson?" Kate asked.

"Yeah. Can we talk about it after we eat something?"

"Whenever you're ready," she answered. "Wonder where Martha is."

"There was a note on the refrigerator door. She's at a rehearsal at her school…she should be back around ten."

They moved things from the microwave to the table and ate their dinner sitting close to one another, both needing the assurance the easy contact provided; then they straightened up the kitchen and Kate took his hand and pulled him into the living room to sit on the sofa. "Now, tell me about this dream. Get it out of the dark and let's deal with it."

"Kate…"

"What? That's what you make me do, and it usually helps."

Castle looked down. "He killed you."

"Tyson?"

He nodded. He shot you, and you fell, and he took your arm and dragged you with him away from the car…toward the edge of the bridge. I shot him over and over and over, but he kept laughing and never slowed down. Then he threw you over the edge into the water…still laughing, and he shouted, "You'll never be rid of me." And he jumped over the edge. You were gone, Kate. I couldn't get you back.

She turned so she could sit in his lap and put her arms around his neck. "But it didn't really happen. I'm fine. I'll be here tonight, and I'll come back to you after work tomorrow, whether Alexis is here or not. It might feel a little awkward if she is, but we have to get past that sooner or later, I guess."

He held her close, deciding whether to tell her and decided she'd know he was holding something back. She knew him pretty well. "He said he watched us…making love. When he got into the precinct…that's part of what he told me. It makes me ill to think about it. That's ours…no one else's."

She pulled his head to her shoulder. "The thought makes me ill, too. We're going to have to make some choices, Rick…something we can live with. Tyson likes getting into someone's mind in ways that he knows will haunt them. There were no listening devices or cameras in the loft when the team searched it, so he wasn't here long enough to do that. He didn't record us. He probably got in and out as fast as possible when he planted the evidence. This is a very secure building compared to most. It's possible he could have watched from a distance, but your bed is beside the windows, not in the line of sight in front of them, and mine isn't all that easy to see, either. I'm going to choose to believe that he saw nothing…that he just wanted to mess with your head…to try insinuate himself into something he knows is important to you…to try to be in your head every time you touch me. Try to believe that with me. We can't let him get between us that way."

"You're probably right, but it's hard to get it out of my mind. I never want to compromise you that way."

"I'll go along with the idea that he probably didn't die if you'll go along with my theory. With what we know of Tyson, they both make sense."

"Compromise?" he asked, and she nodded. "I'll do my best," he promised.

"All I can ask." She kissed the edge of his jaw. "Did it help to get it out in the open?"

"Yeah. Thank you."

"Nothing to thank me for. We've done this for each other for a while now. It's part of being us."

He held her tighter for a long moment and then relaxed more against the back of the sofa, not letting her go, but no longer threatening to squeeze the breath out of her, either. "What would you like to do tonight?"

"Not much," she answered with a little smirk. "We could take a walk…maybe end up at the coffee shop for some hot chocolate on the way back. It might do us good to get out for a little while…without having to chase anything down. Just hold hands and walk...relax and take our time…window shop, people watch, whatever."

He took her face in his hands and leaned forward to kiss her. "I'd love to take a leisurely walk with you."

"I'll put on some jeans. Be right back."

"I'll get our coats."

They put on their coats, he took her hand, and they left, walking for blocks from his loft with no specific destination in mind. They stuck to safe looking areas, talking about the people and places they passed, stopping now and then to window shop or laugh at some oddity along their path…the point being to find their way back to normal again after the last few hellish days.

"We're getting pretty far from home. Ready to start back?" he asked.

"Yeah. Want to check out the other side of the street?"

"Sure," he answered, giving her hand a little squeeze in agreement. "You're still taking care of me aren't you?" He looked over at her appreciatively.

"Trying," she answered with a loving smile and bumped his shoulder with hers teasingly.

"You're doing a good job. Thank you." He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it as they walked. Just then his phone rang, and he pulled it from his pocket to answer it, never releasing Kate's hand.

"Alexis," he told Kate after he swept his thumb across the screen to answer the phone. "Hey, Pumpkin."

"I just called to check on you. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay. Much better than when we got home."

"Is Kate still with you? Where are you? It sounds like you're outside."

"We're out walking. Brisk weather, leisurely pace…normal. It's good.

"You sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure, honey. You can study for your test with a clear conscience. Just don't stand me up for our date tomorrow."

"Okay. Can I talk to Kate for a minute?"

"She wants to talk to you," he said, holding out the phone.

"Hey, Alexis," Kate answered, taking the phone in her free hand.

"Is he really all right, Kate?"

"He will be. He's doing better than he should be. Your dad's tough, honey. He'll be all right."

"Thanks for being there when he needs you."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else. Now go study. Keep him proud."

Alexis laughed. "I'll do my best. Will you have dinner with us tomorrow night?"

"Unless something has me working late. I'll call if I can't be there."

"'Night, Kate."

"Goodnight." She handed his phone back, saying, "You raised a great kid, Castle."

"I still don't understand how that happened," he grinned, "but she is pretty amazing, isn't she?"

They walked on, stopping to look in store windows now and then. Stopping at a little boutique, Kate smiled. "I wonder if that lavender scarf is as soft as it looks."

"Let's go in and find out."

"No," she laughed. "It was just an observation."

She started to walk away, but he pulled her back toward the door. "No. You have me curious now. We have to check it out."

"Castle…" she protested.

They walked into the shop and he seemed to know right where to look for things like scarves. "Alexis has pulled me through this door well more than once," he explained. "Here they are," he announced. "Oooo, and every bit as soft as it looks. Here. Hold it."

"Oh, wow," Kate answered, burying her fingers in the luxurious softness.

"And look. A leather jacket that matches it." He held it against the coat on the display, and it was a perfect match. "Try it on."

The shop owner came in from the back. "Mr. Castle. Nice to see you. Where is Alexis?"

"At college, studying for a test. Tonight I brought Kate. I want her to try one of these jackets. Would you help her find her size?"

The amethyst leather? Good choice. The scarf is a stunning match, isn't it?"

"Castle, I can't wear that to the precinct. We'd never get any work done. The boys would be too busy harassing me about going soft and getting too girly."

"But I'll bet it would look great on you. Just try it on and let me see. Humor me."

Against her better instincts, she put the jacket on, and he could see that she loved it. The leather was almost as soft as the scarf, the style suited her well, and he thought it looked amazing on her. "It's perfect," he told her.

"I love it, but it's totally impractical. Not happening."

"You need to indulge yourself now and then…or let me indulge you."

"No." She took the jacket off and handed it back to the saleswoman. "I humored you. We're done."

He handed the owner the scarf. "We'll take this," he told her.

"Castle…"

"This color looks too good on you to leave it all behind. It's just a scarf, Kate. Let me do that much." Turning back to the shop owner, he said, "Just take the tags off. It's getting colder. It should feel good on the walk home." He gave her his credit card, and when he signed for it, he wrote on the back 'Hold the leather jacket for me.' Christmas was right around the corner, after all.

The woman smiled, nodded, and thanked him before they went back out in the nippy evening air to walk back to the loft.

He stopped just outside the door to put the scarf around Kate's neck and tuck it inside the collar of her coat. "The guys will let you get away with a girly scarf," he assured her.

"Does this mean I can't point out something in a shop window anymore without having you run in and buy it for me?"

"Only if it looks this good on you. I owe you way bigger than this, anyway." He took her hand, and they started their easy pace toward home.

"You don't owe me. You would have done the same thing for me."

"But you trusted me, Kate…in spite of everything. I know how hard it's been for you to be able to do that, and I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me."

"I admit to some moments of insecurity; but I was telling Lanie about the emails, and the more I said, the more certain I was that it wasn't something you'd do." There was a thoughtful pause before she spoke again. "Do you think you can completely trust me some day?" she asked tentatively. "I know I've given you ample reason not to."

"I know you don't make commitments lightly…and we're both committed to giving this our best try, aren't we?"

"Yes," she answered without hesitation. She looked over at him as he laced their fingers together to make the contact more intense, and said, "We're in this together, right? If we don't trust each other, it won't ever work…and I do want it to work."

"I believe you," he answered. "I trust you." He looked over at her and gave her hand another little squeeze of affirmation as they kept walking in comfortable silence. After a few more blocks, he said, "We're almost home. The coffee shop is on the corner. Still want to stop for hot chocolate?"

"Definitely. It's colder out here than it was when we started."

"Want to drink it here and warm up a little?" he asked after they reached the shop and had collected their orders.

"No," she answered quietly, keeping it between them. "We're almost home, and I'd rather have you all to myself. We have another hour or so before your mother is back. Let's get the fireplace going and enjoy it there."

"Home it is, then. Geez, it's gotten colder."

"Want to borrow my new scarf?" she asked with a grin.

"I don't think the color works for me," he answered as he put his arm around her shoulders. "Come closer. We can share body warmth. You're way better than a scarf, anyway."

She laughed and wrapped her arm around his waist, tucking her hand in his coat pocket. They greeted the doorman when they reached Castle's building and from there made a beeline to the living room in the loft to get a fire going in the fireplace.

They shed their jackets and leaned against one another with a big, soft blanket around them as they sipped their hot chocolate…not finding it necessary to talk for a while. When the drinks were gone, the cups were left on the coffee table and they snuggled closer under the blanket.

"How do we get past the last few days?" he asked. "It all sits in my mind, poking at me…just waiting to storm out and take over. It can't be that much better for you."

"A day at a time, I guess. We got through today pretty well…together. We'll be okay. It may take a little while, but we'll be better. We're stronger than he is, right?"

"Yeah. We are."

"Let's go to bed before Martha gets home…just the two of us. Tyson can't follow us unless we let him. Choices, Castle. Close the blinds, close the drapes, and concentrate on us. I promise I'll make it worth your while."

He threw back the blanket, stood, scooped her up in his arms, and carried her to their bed, being sure the door and the blinds were closed. They had gotten through the day. Now they were going to get through the night. A day at a time. They had each other now. They'd make it.

9


End file.
